Prophetic Dinosaurs – Lana Vawser

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Lana Vawser claims God gave her a word for the body of Christ by speaking through a dinosaur in a video game.

Vawser without hesitation reminds us that God has spoken to her before through popcorn, umbrellas, and Wonder Woman.

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This time she felt God put it on her heart to give a message to the body of Christ by speaking through a dinosaur she saw in a video game her son was playing. After the initial dinosaur sighting Vawser tells us she started seeing dinosaurs all over the place.

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Sometimes it’s hard to understand what God is saying through popcorn, umbrellas, Wonder Woman, and dinosaurs, so she gave us some helpful references to understand one’s vain imaginations.

A-Z Dream Symbology by Dr. Barbie L Breathitt.

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The Divinity Code to Understanding Your Dreams and Visions by Adam Thompson and Adrian Beale

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Understand Your Dreams Now: Spiritual Dream Interpretation by Doug Addison

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Seems like a lot of work just to hear what a video game dinosaur is saying. Many people have been known to hear God by opening their bible, and using a solid bible commentary. Sadly that’s not as exciting and adventurous as hearing God speak through popcorn, umbrellas, Wonder Woman, and dinosaurs.

 

Choose to Serve Positive Thinking per Joshua 24:15 – Victoria Osteen

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Victoria Osteen crystalized Joshua 24:15 into a call to serve positive thinking. Instead of a call to turn from the Devil, sin, and self, and turn toward God, she spritzed the bible with the Osteen doctrine of positive thinking and calls her hearers to serve the idol of positive thinking.

14 “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:14-15 (ESV)

God is Fun – Say Bye Bye to Reverence and Hello Ragtime Quartet

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Element Church believes a core doctrine about God is that he’s fun. A practical application of this doctrine is to toss out any sense of fear, awe, and reverence during an official Sunday worship service, and replace it with a worthless cheesy ragtime quartet of dads named The Ragtime Dads.

Prophetess Patricia King Approves of Eliphaz and God Does Not Approve

 

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Self proclaimed prophetess Patricia King recently cited Eliphaz as a source of truth. The problem is that God said his wrath was kindled against Eliphaz because he didn’t speak what was right concerning God.

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She cites Job 22:28. If you go to the beginning of the passage, you see that Eliphaz is speaking.

22 Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered and said,

Can a man be profitable unto God, as he that is wise may be profitable unto himself?

Is it any pleasure to the Almighty, that thou art righteous? or is it gain to him, that thou makest thy ways perfect?

Prophetess Patricia King views him as a source of truth. What does God have to say about Eliphaz? Look at Job 42:7

And it was so, that after the Lord had spoken these words unto Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.

God’s wrath was kindled against Eliphaz because he had not spoken what was right concerning God.

The whole basis for King’s decreeing and declaring rests on someone God wasn’t really happy with.

Carbonated Favor from God – Apostle Melvin Thompson III

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Apostle Melvin Thompson III believes God gave him double for his distress because he received two sodas for the price of one from a malfunctioning vending machine.

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What about the vending machine owner? He lost profit. Shouldn’t an apostle of Jesus possibly find a way to give the vending machine owner his money back instead of claiming an extra soda as a sign of God’s favor?

Apostle Axel Sippach claims Thompson as a son. In a Facebook post he promotes supposed downloads from heaven received during messages with Thompson.

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I’m glad the body of Christ now knows about the  realm of heavenly blessings given through malfunctioning vending machines.

Rest assured, if you have a huge series of troubles and distresses in life, God will be sure to double it by giving you a free soda from a broken vending machine. If you’re a vending machine owner just consider any lost profits as a sign God has opened a heavenly portal in your business and is blessing people with free carbonated beverages.

Christians Should Study Trump Prophecies to Rightly Divide Word of God says Jim Bakker

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Jim Bakker while sales pitching Mark Taylor and Mary Colbert’s book The Trump Prophecies on The Jim Bakker Show on June 6, 2017 directed his audience to read the book because scripture tells us to study to show ourselves approved, so we can rightly divide the word of truth.

He’s quoting 2 Timothy 2:15 (KJV).

15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Yes Jim Bakker just put a “prophetic” book on the same level as scripture. Christians everywhere must now purchase this book and study it so they can rightly divide the word of God, that is, if Jim Bakker is correct. Of course Jim Bakker is not correct, so don’t study this book.