Prophet Sniper 1 – Godly Scalp Tickles and Blanket Sharing?

Prophet Angel Sibandi of Lusaka, Zambia, also nicknamed Sniper 1, claims God is moving in his meetings. He recently posted five pictures and claimed they were just an introduction of what God will be doing on Friday.

Is God doing scalp tickles, blanket sharing, and of course, as observed in another post “man cuddling“?

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There appears to be scalp tickling, man cuddling, and blanket sharing done in the name of God.

Yes, he really does go by Sniper 1.

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This is not satire.

 

Video: Disco Lit Repeating Prophetess Flake

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This is end times prophetess Jerri Flake. You will not get these ten minutes and thirty seconds back if you decide to watch. If you’re into disco lit end times prophetesses I strongly encourage you to watch. By the fifth minute hopefully you’ll understand that there is nothing too hard for God. If you don’t grasp that, don’t worry, you’ll hear it a few more times. This is not satire.

Nae Nae Dance to Get Your Healing?

Is your neck whipped whipped out of shape? You may need to Nae Nae to get that whipped neck back in shape. International evangelist Rev. Dr. Uma Ukpai says that dancing is a means God uses to intervene in your struggles and sicknesses.

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Your struggling and frustrations will end, if you just dance. God can’t work unless you dance, apparently.

Not sure which dance is the best. A jig? Maybe some square dancing? How about the Dougie? This is not satire.

Prophet Launches Holy Ghost Missile Against Singleness

Are you stuck in singleness or the friend zone?  Can’t find marital bliss? Do you sense that maybe a witch or marine agent is the nemesis keeping you there? Looking for a remedy? Let me be more specific.

Are you looking for a prophet who can launch Holy Ghost missiles, and Holy Ghost bulldozers at the witches and marine agents keeping you in the shackles of perpetual singleness? What you have read, and are about to read is not satire. This is not the Onion or Babylon Bee.

I have the perfect prophet for you. Meet prophet Nicholas. He runs the Prophetic & Deliverance page on Facebook.

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Prophet Nicholas can launch Holy Ghost missiles, Holy Ghost bulldozers, Holy Ghost earthquakes, and oh so much more. He can launch them right at the witches and marine agents holding you back from complete marital bliss. Here is his Facebook post from June 18, 2016.

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You no longer have to blame singleness on your bad personality, or even your bad breath. Singleness is caused by witches and marine agents. Luckily they can be obliterated by the Holy Ghost missile launching Facebook prophet named Nicholas.

Once again, this is not satire.

 

New Car Hidden by Witches – Released by Prophet

Having a hard time attaining a new car? Your problem may be caused by witches and the Devil according to Prophet Wakisa Chizaso. In a Facebook post he claimed his followers were not getting their new car because witches and the Devil were hiding it in darkness. He promised to release their new cars from the clutches of witches and the Devil in their darkness if they’d just show up to church.

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Sadly his followers decided to play along.

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This is not satire.

Miracle Money Prophet Warns of Scammers on Facebook – Otis Bushiri

Summary

Prophet Otis Bushiri offers to command miracle money, will give you money if you merge with his company, and he’s kind enough to warn his Facebook followers of Facebook scams. This is not satire.

Explained

Prophet Otis Bushiri recently told his followers to “PROTECT YOUR MONEY” in a Facebook post. Someone is messaging them on Facebook, prophesying and offering money if they give some seed money. What you’re about to read below is not satire.

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Oddly enough, Mr. Bushiri has propositioned his own followers on Facebook with a business deal. He’ll fund you as long as you merge with his company.

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Mr. Bushiri, the man kind enough to warn of scams, and generous enough to give you money if you merge with his company, has amazing powers to command “miracle money”.

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He can even get a cell phone to give miracle money. Is that an app? Hmm.

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Also, just by typing “my dream life” he can command that the demands of your heart be met in the name of Jesus.

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Conclusion

He can command miracle money, make money come from a cell phone, make your dreams come true by simply typing “my dream life” on Facebook. He’s offering you money if you simply merge with his company. He’s also kind enough to warn you of scammers on Facebook.

This is not satire.